


Memorial by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-18 06:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do we honor our heroes? A missing scene/tag for Heroes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memorial by babs

*We do not live for self.... We are a part of a larger life, reaching before and after, judged not by deeds done in the body but deeds done in the soul. We wish to be remembered. Willing to die, we are not willing to be forgotten.*

\--Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

"Carter," Jack said as he bumped into her as he left his office. It had been a long day and he wanted nothing more than to get home.

"Yes sir?" She turned. Her face was blotchy again and her eyes, red-rimmed, and as he watched, she swallowed hard.

"Have you seen Daniel lately?"

"He took a half day, Colonel. Said he had some business to take care of," Carter replied in a rush. She looked at the floor and then held some papers out to him. "Sir, I'd appreciate if you'd consider..."

Jack took the papers and scanned them. "Leave of absence?"

She took a deep breath. "I need to...permission to speak freely, sir?"

He nodded and waited. Carter had been having a rough time of it since Fraiser's death. Hell they all were.

"Cassie is a tough kid," she spoke so quietly Jack could hardly hear her. "I actually said that to you when Janet died. I, well sir, I've been laboring under some delusions for awhile and I need to get my head out of my ass and straighten things out. Starting with Cassie," she finished although Jack sensed there was more being unsaid than said.

"Understood," Jack replied holding out his hand for a pen. He held the papers against the wall and signed them, handing them back to Carter with a nod. "Take care. If you, if Cassie needs anything..."

"Yes sir," she answered, giving him a smile. "I'd better get these to General Hammond."

"You have my number," Jack reminded her. "You have Daniel's."

Carter nodded. "I know, sir. And Daniel made sure I had every possible contact for him."

"Sounds familiar."

She gave what might have been a chuckle and then waved her papers in the air as a reminder of her mission. "We'll call you and Daniel when we get settled."

"Settled?"

"I've rented a condo upstate," Carter said. "I think maybe getting away will help us both."

Jack nodded and watched her make her progress down the hall before turning the opposite direction towards the elevators.

He found Teal'c in the gym, one of the two places he'd guessed.

"O'Neill." Teal'c acknowledged his presence with a bow of his head and continued with his practice. Jack watched, the ancient Jaffa ritual reminded him of the practitioners of Tai Chi he'd seen on some of his visits to the Orient.

Teal'c finished and knelt on the mat, his hands resting on his knees. He looked up at Jack. "Do you require something, O'Neill?"

"You know where Daniel's gone off to?" Jack asked. He envied Teal'c the grace of his position.

"I do."

Jack waited, and when no further explanation was forthcoming he waggled his fingers. "Want me to read your mind?"

"I do not."

"So, where's he gone?"

"He has gone to visit Airman Wells, his wife, and their new child," Teal'c informed him. "I believe he wished to make this visit alone."

A raised eyebrow accompanied that comment.

Jack shrugged. "Well he has, hasn't he? And besides, I like babies. Maybe I should go see the little tyke myself."

Teal'c regarded him a long moment and then nodded again. "That may be a wise decision, O'Neill." He then bowed his head again and closed his eyes.

Jack stood for a few seconds and then left silently. A quick trip back to his office and he would have Airman Wells' address. And maybe so he didn't appear to be checking up on Daniel, a stop at a baby store to buy a token present of some sort.  


* * *

Yep. Daniel was most definitely a visitor at the Wells' house. His Jeep sat outside so Jack parked in front of him. Hopefully Daniel wasn't going to view Jack's visit as spying, but Jack doubted it. Daniel tended to see through all of Jack's ploys, and even he had to admit it did look like spying on Daniel. He suspected that saying he had a sudden urge to see the Wells' new baby was going to go over like the proverbial lead balloon, although Daniel wouldn't say anything in front of Airman Wells and his little family. No, Daniel would smile politely, continue to be the perfect guest, follow Jack home in his Jeep, and then let Jack have it right between the eyes when Jack's door was locked behind them. Or even worse, he'd make a turn two traffic lights from the Wells' house, head to his own house, and not answer his phone when Jack called to ask what was up.

But knowing what was going to happen didn't keep Jack from ringing the doorbell. He might be Daniel's lover, but he was first and foremost Daniel's friend. And his friend was hurting despite all denials to the contrary.

Jack shifted and then adjusted his sunglasses.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Airman Wells asked as he pulled open the door. "Is there is problem at the base, sir? I can be ready to..."

"At ease, Airman," Jack said and smiled. He held out the blue bag he held. "I brought a little something for your new arrival."

"Come in, sir," Wells said, pulling the door open wider to allow Jack in. "Let me take your jacket. Would you like anything to drink?"

Jack shook his head. "I did say at ease, Airman. We're not at work now."

Wells took a deep breath and finally smiled back. "My wife and baby are in the living room with Doctor Jackson. And thank you for the present." He held up the bag.

"You're welcome."

Jack followed him the short distance to the living room, Daniel's voice being overlaid by another softer one.

Daniel was sitting on a sofa, a healthy baby in his arms, with a smile that could light the world as he looked into the baby's face. Jack couldn't hear what Daniel was saying to the child, but whatever it was had the full attention of the baby who was looking up at him with an open mouth.

"Colonel O'Neill, this is my wife, Marci," Airman Wells said. He grinned as he looked at Daniel with the baby. "And this is my daughter."

Daniel looked up at that moment, and Jack believed his partner wasn't even aware he'd been in the room.

The baby let out a little cry, not anything to worry about, Jack knew, probably too much stimulation when she wanted to go to sleep, but Daniel looked horrified.

"Don't worry about it, Doctor...Daniel," Marci finished and took the baby back into her arms. "I'll be back. Excuse me please," she said. Wells put out a hand to help her to her feet, a gesture Jack was sure was unnecessary but one he remembered quite vividly from the early days after Charlie's birth--the urge to protect, to guard the two most precious things in his world. "It's nice to meet you. Colonel." She nodded to Jack and left the room.

"Here." Jack dug in his pocket and held out a piece of paper to Wells.

Wells frowned as he looked at it. "Sir?"

"Look in the bag," Jack gestured with his chin.

Daniel chuckled as Wells pulled Jack's gift out of the gift bag--a little hockey jersey and stuffed puck.

"Girls do play hockey," Daniel commented.

"I think Janet might have a while to go until she's ready for that," Marci said as she came back into the room.

"Janet?" Jack asked, surprised at how dry his throat became and the sudden burning in his eyes.

Wells nodded. "The ultrasound said it was a boy, you know. We didn't have..."

"We didn't have a girl's name picked out. We wanted to honor the woman who made sure our child would have a father," Marci said. "And also honor Doctor Jackson."

Jack gave a quick glance at Daniel who frowned, obviously confused.

"Janet Danielle Wells," Wells finsihed.

"Oh," Jack heard Daniel say very quietly.

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. Wells shifted on his feet and Jack felt a pang of sympathy for the young man and his wife. Daniel finally stood and walked over to them.

"I am honored," he said. "It wasn't necessary but I am honored."

The tension dissolved with Daniel's words and both Wells and Marci smiled.

"Thank you, Doctor Jackson," Marci whispered.

"I need to be going, Simon, Marci," Daniel said with a smile for both of them. "Thanks for letting me see baby Janet."

Wells nodded. "Thanks for coming."

Jack stepped over to shake the new father's hand. "Take care of her."

"I will, sir," Wells promised.

"She's a beautiful child," he told Marci who smiled at the compliment.

Wells saw them both to the door and Jack followed Daniel down the walk.

"You going home?" Jack asked as Daniel headed towards his Jeep.

Daniel turned and looked at him, his face unreadable. He hesitated a moment and then nodded.

Jack waited until Daniel pulled away and then got in his truck. He leaned his head against the steering wheel a moment, breathing deeply. He hadn't expected the name. Hadn't expected Wells to name the baby after Janet. He could still see her; hear her voice every time he went near the infirmary. He remembered her quiet assurances when one or the other of his team had been injured. She'd never pulled any punches--he always knew where he stood with her. It was something he'd admired in her and never found the time to tell her.

"Oh God, Janet," he whispered into the leather, not caring that a few tears fell. "It shouldn't have been you." He straightened up then, able to imagine how Doctor Janet Fraiser would have reacted if she knew people were walking around mourning her loss instead of getting on with the business of living and honoring her memory by doing what they could to make the world a safer, saner place.

He took one last glance at the Wells' house, sure he'd be seeing baby Janet again sometime soon and drove away.

Jack smiled as he pulled into his driveway behind Daniel's Jeep. It felt good knowing that home to Daniel meant Jack's, not the house he rented on the other side of town.

"Daniel?" Jack called as he entered the kitchen. But despite the vehicle in the drive it was as if Daniel wasn't there. Jack frowned. It was possible Daniel had gone for a run, something he sometimes did when working things out in his mind. He left the kitchen and went to the bedroom. Maybe Daniel had fallen asleep. But his partner wasn't there either. There was no sound of running water to indicate Daniel was in the shower. Jack looked up at the ceiling and then headed for the observation deck.  


* * *

Jack eased himself into his deck chair without a word. Daniel said nothing from his chair. Unwilling to break the silence, not knowing what to say, Jack remained silent.

"Satisfied once you checked up on me?" Daniel finally asked, his words clipped.

"I wasn't..."

"Don't lie to me, Jack," Daniel interrupted. "I don't deserve that."

Jack leaned forward in his chair, twisting slightly to face Daniel. "No, you don't."

Daniel didn't move from his position, his head tilted back while he stared up into the sky, his long legs stretched out in front of him. Had anyone seen him they would think he was the picture of relaxation. It was only being as connected as Jack was that allowed him to see the way Daniel gripped the arm of the chair. "I needed to see Simon. See what Janet...see that life..." his voice trailed off and he cleared his throat softly.

"Yeah." Jack settled back in his chair, mirroring Daniel's position. "Cute baby."

"She is," Daniel agreed. "Although I don't think Marci is going to go for the whole hockey thing."

"Nah. But you never know."

"No. You don't."

The words hung in the air--meaning so much more than the future of one little baby girl.

"I gave Bregman his interview," Jack said when the silence became heavy.

Daniel moved then, forward and sideways until his knees bumped Jack's and his hand rested on Jack's thigh. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Not that anyone will see it."

"Someday. Someday the world is going to know, Jack. And all the people who've died..." Daniel stopped and Jack watched as he swallowed. "People will know about Janet and Robert and all the others." There was a hitch in his breathing as he said the final word and Jack said nothing, just reached down and covered Daniel's hand with his own.

In his mind, he could hear the tape Hammond showed him--still hear Daniel's frantic call for a medic, his fear for Fraiser evident in his cry. He'd felt helpless when he heard the tape, saw the video. He curled his fingers over Daniel's and rubbed his thumb over the back of his partner's knuckles.

Daniel looked at him and smiled before ducking his head. "I miss her. I keep thinking I'll go into the infirmary and she'll be there. Or that I'm going to wake up and it will be a dream."

"I know," Jack replied, but he didn't think Daniel was looking for reassurance. They'd both faced death more times than they could count, seen too many acquaintances and people they loved die. Sometimes all you could do for those left behind was be there.  


* * *

"I'm going in," Daniel said into the quiet of the evening. Jack nodded and released his hand.

"Take out?" Jack asked when they were in the kitchen.

Daniel shook his head. "Spaghetti," he said, going the cabinets and pulling out the makings for some home made sauce.

Jack went to the refrigerator and surveyed the vegetable crisper. He got out some lettuce, carrots and radishes and began making a salad.

They worked and ate in silence, as they did so many times after a rough mission. Even though Janet had been killed a few weeks ago, Jack couldn't help thinking that it was only today that it seemed real. Seeing the Wells' baby, hearing her name and why they'd named her after Janet, made it real in a way that the memorial service hadn't. He wondered how Daniel felt about the middle name--it appeared to be a shock to him when Airman Wells told them.

"Cassie," Daniel said as Jack pushed the last of his spaghetti around on his plate. Jack looked up at him, aware that behind the protection of his glasses, Daniel's eyes were slightly brighter than usual. "Did you know Cassie got her first acceptance letter for college on the day Janet died?"

"Shit," Jack murmured.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. He got up, took his plate and after a questioning look, Jack's and put them in the dishwasher. "I was thinking. I mean, I know Janet probably had all kinds of things set up for Cassie and the Air Force will... but." He froze and Jack came up behind him and placed his hands on Daniel's shoulders.

"You want to pay for her college?" Jack asked.

"I know what it's like, Jack. I remember, even though I had scholarships and," Daniel made a circular motion with his fingers, "all that, how I never could be sure. I don't want Cassie to..."

"Then we'll do it." Jack covered Daniel's hands again and then touched his face.

"We?"

"We're partners, Daniel. And I don't have any nieces or nephews or kids of my own to help." Jack shrugged. "You can't take it with you, may as well share the wealth here while you can."

Daniel smiled. "Thanks, Jack."

"Thank you," Jack returned. He pulled Daniel into a hug, not wanting anything more.

Daniel yawned into Jack's shoulder. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Jack laughed and let him go. "Didn't know I was that boring."

It got the response he was hoping for--a small chuckle and a returning smile.

They settled in the living room for the rest of the evening. Jack turned the TV to a documentary on the History Channel about monasteries during the Dark Ages after a show of hunting for a sports event while Daniel settled on the sofa with a book. It seemed normal, like so many of their evenings in the past.

Jack watched Daniel reading. It had been a rough three weeks since Fraiser's death and it seemed like only now they were able to catch their breaths. They hadn't had any deep conversations about it--Jack doubted they would. It just was..horribly unfair, the heart-deep pain of missing a part of their lives, and knowing there wasn't a damn thing they could do to bring back someone they'd loved. He bowed his head and offered up a silent wordless prayer, a simultaneous plea for comfort and an affirmation of gratitude for all he had. Maybe this was why they went through the Gate and continued the fight, so that young women like Cassie could go to college, so couples could sit in their homes at night and read books and watch TV, so families could welcome a new child into their lives. Or maybe they continued because they could do nothing else.

Daniel closed the book, stood up, and stretched. He held out his hand to Jack, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses. Jack turned off the TV and took it. New paragraph

And maybe it was because they believed love was a stronger force than evil.  


* * *

Daniel was a heavy lump beside him. Jack pushed the blanket down to the vicinity of his knees. Sometimes Daniel was like a furnace. He honestly didn't see how someone who always complained he was cold could throw off so much heat. Not to mention that no matter how hot Daniel was, no matter how hot the room was, he wound up tight against Jack's back or side or front. There was a wet spot high on Jack's shoulder where Daniel breathed against the T-shirt. Jack sighed and cautiously shifted.

He was just falling asleep again when the phone rang, jarring him awake. Behind him, Daniel sat up, fumbling for the light switch.

"O'Neill," Jack answered, his heart pounding while his mind raced. 'Please, please let it be nothing.'

"Jack?" Cassie. It was Cassie, her voice wobbly over the phone.

"Cassie? Honey, are you okay? Is something..."

"I n...n...need to sp...speak to Daniel." She began to cry, great gulping sobs, and Jack handed the phone to Daniel without hesitation.

Daniel took it with one hand while the other fumbled for his glasses. "Cassie. It's Daniel. I'm here."

Jack waited a moment and then got out of bed. He motioned towards the door and Daniel nodded at him.

"I'm here," he heard Daniel say as he closed the door behind him. "I'm listening."  


* * *

Jack woke in his easy chair only to find he was covered with a blanketand Daniel was asleep on the sofa. In the morning light, he could see the redness on Daniel's face. He didn't doubt tears had been shed on both ends of the phone last night.

He winced as he got out of the chair; the creak as he did so sounding loud in the silence of the house, but Daniel slept the sleep of the exhausted.

Waffles, he decided as he walked to the kitchen. Waffles were good. Daniel liked waffles and they rarely found the time to make them.

Jack had the batter mixed in the bowl and the waffle iron heating and looked up to see Daniel in the doorway.

"Coffee?"

Jack nodded towards the coffee maker and couldn't keep from grinning at the way his partner's face lit up as he took his first sip of the morning.

"Waffles?" Daniel asked after filling his mug for the second time.

"That okay?"

"Fine."

Jack was conscious of Daniel watching his every move as he ladled batter into the waffle iron. Once the lid was down he turned.

"Sorry I fell asleep on you."

Daniel shrugged. "I didn't expect you to stay up. Cassie and I were on the phone for awhile."

Jack poured himself a mug of coffee and sat down opposite Daniel. "How's she doing?"

A quiet sigh was Daniel's response. He turned the mug in his hands before looking up at Jack. "Rough patches. Alternating between acceptance and denial. Angry at the unfairness of it all. Strong as steel."

"I thought she'd talk to Carter. That's why Carter said she wanted to get away with Cassie."

"Sometimes you need someone else," Daniel said softly. "Someone who will be strong for you when you can't. Sam was crying. I could hear her in the background."

Jack felt a lump in his throat, grateful when the waffle iron buzzed and he could get up and do something useful. He put the waffle on a plate and filled the iron again, wishing he could bring Fraiser back for her daughter.

Daniel came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Jack's waist. "She's gonna be okay, Jack. Not today or tomorrow. Maybe not for a long time, but she's gonna be okay. We'll be there for her." His chest vibrated against Jack's spine.

He was a soldier, damn it. He'd lost more comrades than he had fingers and God damn it, it still wasn't fair, no matter how just the war, no matter how right the cause. He looked down at his hand holding the plate and saw it was wet. He thought his grief was over. He thought he'd put it aside and gone on with his job because that was his duty. Another hot tear splashed on his hand and the plate fell back to the counter with a clatter. Daniel's arms tightened around him and Jack leaned back slightly, allowing Daniel to hold on.

By the time the buzzer sounded again, Jack was in control once more. Daniel's arms fell away and Jack pulled out the waffle, placed it on top of the other, and turned.

They sat at the table and began to eat.

"Not just Cassie," Jack said between one bite and the next.

Daniel raised his eyebrows and looked at him.

"A scholarship fund for all the kids who've lost a parent at the SGC," Jack explained. "Named after Janet. No restrictions. No conditions other than their mom or dad died in the line of duty." He waited while Daniel finished chewing and thinking. He'd seen that look on Daniel's face often enough.

He didn't need to wait long. Daniel smiled at him and nodded. "That's a good idea. If we put up the starting monies, I'm sure it's something we can keep going. We're not going to be the only ones who'll want to contribute."

Jack smiled back, reached across the table to touch Daniel's hand. "Thank you."

Daniel shook his head. "No. We need to do this. To make sure none of them are forgotten."

"They won't be. We won't let them," Jack insisted.

"If only..." Daniel began and then stopped.

"What?"

"I was just thinking. If only there would be no more children who lose a parent. If maybe someday..." his voice trailed off.

"Maybe someday," Jack echoed. "Probably not in our lifetime, Daniel. But maybe someday."

He thought of little Janet Danielle Wells, her whole life ahead of her and prayed the maybe someday would come sooner rather than later.

  



End file.
